"I've kissed more dolphins then men..! Fuck my life.. =("

      One of the funniest and most head shaking terms I have ever heard come out of any close friend of mine...

      I am 20 years young, and I have been actively dating since I was a teen. But when I got onto a convosation of our sexlives with a good friend of mine, she muttered the words that she had only kissed 3 men in her entire life, and only seen one naked (yet shes kissed 3 dolphins). Now, I thought with boys it just must be different. Maybe we're just born players? But it seems after doing some more indepth research then I intended, Alot of my friends did not even have their first kiss until they were 16-17, let alone even let anyone touch them until 18.

     I had my first kiss when I was 13. It is actually one of the clearest memories I have from that period of my life, deep in the heart of the previous blank void of no memories I have in my head. He was a friend of mine, and we were in his room and he asked if I had ever kissed a guy before. He was older, 15, and he didn't wait long for my obvious no answer and just leaned in a puckered up. In others eyes, it was just two boys kissing... My eyes it was magical. But soon as I had a taste, I needed more. I experimented from 13 onwards, with him and other boys I managed to corner. 

     I guess what I'm wondering, did I do this too early? I can't help to wonder if the reason I have not had a serious relationship, or managed to keep a guy down for more then 2 weeks is due to the way I am or is it that I rushed through things. Did me experimenting early leave nothing left for me to have now I have completed my second decade on this Earth?

     I'll stop rambling now.

     In other news, there is a new guy on the horizon. We have been texting alot, not actually been on an actual date yet. To be honest I'm alittle scared to ask him. His name is Cory, 19 and living in Croydon. I'll keep you updated as I try and score a first date... =)

     I suppose I have annoyed you enough for one evening, and I shall take my leave.

     Goodnight,

     Kenai

     x x x
(Photo: Part of my BA Degree work)

Runaway..

      To be honest, I never thought I'd ever run away from problems. But it seems, gentle readers, that Kenai Lewis Adams does in fact travel miles on end to hide from the smallest of things.

      A few days ago, me and my elder sibling Kate, had a argument. It was petty, it was stupid. It was 10am, and I was awoken with the sound of my cheesy Power Rangers ring tone, and then after only 2 hours sleep answered it. Kate had rang me to see if I could go and take her son and her to the Museum, and she'd treat me to lunch if I did. Now, with only 2 hours sleep I wanted to stay in bed, but I was forced out of guilt of not seeing them often these days to get up and dressed.
     Half hour later she rang again to ask where I was, and I won't lie I was only just stepping into the shower. Kate then complained that I was taking the piss and decided to not go anyway, which in turn I contested to as I had just got up now. The argument is hazy from then on, as we threw insults back on forth hurting each others feelings, and hitting hearts with such accurate aim. She muttered words such as "Kenai, you failing university is your own problem.. So stop using it as an excuse not to see me", Which in my defence I have resit essays to do, And I threw back that she should stop using her 3 year old son as an excuse to walk the 20minute walk to me.
     Then, my friends, she pulled out a big gun. She then retaliated with a nuke, not a bullet, with "Don't try and make out I'm a bad person, you don't even care about your cancer ridden father!" Now, that hurt.

     In April, my biological father with diagnosed with stage 3 progressive testicular cancer. And I have been handling it very well. It seems that as I am the only one of my many siblings not to breakdown in tears and cry on his shoulder, I am evidently heartless.
     I decided not to shout at Kate, or like her - say something I was going to regret. So I decided putting the phone down was the best possible way of getting myself out of that conversation!

     However, it has not stopped here. It seems, that with that and the stress of my resits, that I have seemed to snap slightly. As, my dear readers, I am in Shropshire right now, Relaxing in my friends country home. I have run away from my problems in London, and came up north to the Midlands to finish my work and clear my head. Seemed like a good idea, but I can't help thinking that maybe I am slightly a coward, maybe? My problems with my sister are going to be there when I return, so why did I run?

     In other news, my sleeping problems and memory have been getting worse and more deviant. I have a doctors appointment in a weeks time to sort things out, so hopefully that should help things along. But my dreams have become more vivid. I dream of memories I know, but the things I are blank and I can't remember, my dreams seem to have an inventive way of filling in the gaps with whatever takes their fancy at the time. It is weird...

    Anyway, I shall leave you now. Thank-you for reading and wherever you are, leave this page knowing I love you.

Kenai.

x

P.S - While I was here, I took a picture of a Bluebell for you.

Let there be light..

      Kenai. (Pronounced Kee-ni)
      That is what people call me. I guess, it’s unique - maybe something that shows someone that it’s me. It is what is written on that piece of paper my mother holds dear, but it is a symbol of what I am. Which I guess, as I think about it now at 23:30pm, I am just full of symbols. Decision’s, not all made by me, that have lead me down path’s that I had no guide to show me the way. And yet, I’m me, carrying all those symbols of my past all upon my own shoulders, with no one else holding them.
      Right now, I have no idea why I’m doing this. Typing away, not even knowing what I’m doing. I guess, I’m asking you a favour. I’m asking you to listen. Hear my side - see how I got here. I look back on my life, and all I see is a heap of confusion. To me, what is about to come out on this paper, is a heap of mess and memories, thoughts and nonsense, anything and everything that has ever crossed my mind.

      Right now, I live in Camberwell, London - Untied Kingdom. However this is not where my roots branch out too. I grew up in a small farm-locked village in the midland region, and moved to the city of London in September 2009 to train and become a teacher. I suppose this is the most important role I'll ever do in life, and I know it's not fame or fortune, but it's what I want.

     I suppose I should tell you about my life here. What it's like to be Kenai, farmboy turned Soho heartthrob? Even though I don't think that is true. I wish and live for love. I want to love, be someone's prince in shining armour, rolling into their lives on a white horse (or indeed I will settle for a white mini cooper) and cherish them. But it is hard to find that within this city. 8.1 million people, and the people I have met here seem different to the rest of the world; cold and unwilling to comprimise or surrender to another. I suppose you'll hear more about these unlucky men the more the months carry on. Carrie Bradshaw, eat your heart out!

     Also, confusingly I have parts of my past I do not remember. Sometimes it's just evenings I have blank in my memory banks, but others it's entire people and events. Weeks and months at a time I won't beable to remember, but recently I have been remembering parts of my childhood, little things. I guess it helps talking and writing things down to help me remember, so I guess you lucky readers, you'll be helping me here too.

     Anyway, I think that is enough talking for now. I hope you'll return and grant me your audience again. As I try and peice together this crazy life, and hopefully entertain you at the same time.

Much Love,
Kenai...