But, alas, I have started Autumn now. The time of the year where the world starts to shed it's skin, ready to reborn itself. Which I guess I am going to have to do after my summer of being made homeless, staying on a friends floor, running away 200 miles and then failing my year, but I will still look forward.
However, last night my friend tried to commit suicide. She came into our house of which we share very down after a walk. I then found two packets of 16 Paracetamol tablets, which after half hour of question with the very much close to passing out friend, she told me she downed all of them with a bottle of wine on the park, and didn't want to continue with her life here. After some time of hugging her and telling her she was stupid, she then collasped.
I rang the abulence thinking the worse but calmingly telling them what had happened, following the instructions. Ringing my sister Sophia, who was in London, to come over to King's Hospital quickly.
Most stressful part of the entire ordeal was the waiting area. I was in the waiting area for over an our while they gave her the treatment. And after having to wait 4 hrs for them to test her blood and figure out how much to give her, at 2am while I had to wait in this room I had nothing else to think about then the remark I said to her on the way out of the door..
"Alright, but don't go kill yourself - I want you back in one peice!"
After a few hours of waiting, they transfered her off of the Major Incidents ward and onto CDU where she can recover, by this point it was 5am, and I was rather tired and in need of a good sandwich to be honest, but I never left her side. The entire time she resisted treatment at every turn she could, which baffled me. In my opinion, her life was okay, however I do not know her well enough to judge. But also what has always pondered me is, what on earth makes people beleive that there is no other option, reason or strength to carrying on any longer to do such a thing? Who could ever do this to their friends or family? How can someone be convinced that swallowing 32 little pills, calmly falling asleep was an answer?
But, dear reader, I am thankful to say that I took her home this morning after she recovered successfully and after a small psych-evaluation. She stil was not very happy with me, that I had rang the abulence and dragged her to a place where she "did not want have to be the last thing she looked at.." But I was not willing, however much I am a good friend to her, to comply to her wishes and leave her to sleep in her bed like she wanted to.
However, what baffled me more was that she awoke today like nothing had ever happened. Like she had just had a bad dream and wanted to be her bouncy and bubbley self, forgetting that I had only had 4 hrs sleep after staying up all night while she was being pumped clean, holding her hand.
My question would be, has anyone else out there been in this position? Can anyone guide me through... As right now, I found it very hard today to even look at her after she was smiling her face off like nothing happened. Can someone help me..?
Well, I am sorry for the morbid post today. I hope I can post another better one soon. I have a another date with the guy I like soon, maybe I'll have something to share then. Until then..
With love,
Kenai
x
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